Homer Simpson in: Kidney Trouble Written by John Swartzwelder
Directed by Mike B. Anderson
==============================================================================
Production code: AABF04 Original Airdate on FOX: 6-Dec-1999
Capsule revision C (26-May-2002)
==============================================================================
> "TV Guide" Synopsis
==============================================================================
(Canadian) Homer adamantly refuses to stop the car to allow Grampa can use
the facilities. {hl}
(TVGen) HOMER SIMPSON IN KIDNEY TROUBLE After inadvertently damaging
Grandpa Simpson's kidneys, Homer offers to donate one of his. But he
chickens out when he learns what's involved and runs away to the sea,
boarding "The Ship of Lost Souls." Voices: Dan Castellaneta, Hank Azaria,
Harry Shearer, Julie Kavner, Yeardley Smith, Nancy Cartwright. {je}
==============================================================================
> Title sequence
==============================================================================
Blackboard: I AM NOT A LICENSED / HAIRSTYLIST
Couch: The Simpsons are frogs, the living room is a pond, and the
couch is a lily pad, and the television is still a television.
They swim up to the pad and face the TV. Homer uses his
tongue to change the channel
==============================================================================
> Did You Notice...
==============================================================================
... Handsome Pete hanging around Davey Jones' Hamper?
... the Duff truck passing by as the Simpsons leave the ghost town?
Rich Bunnell:
... Homer was able to make the jump onto the ship? The jump was relatively
big ... [{ddg} notes the deck was at least twelve feet above the pier]
Anthony Dean:
... Maggie isn't seen with the family during the hospital scenes? [See
"Comments" section for more -- Ed.]
Don Del Grande:
... in the car, the animation looped quite a bit?
... this is the second time they've forgotten Grampa's birthday?
... the TV GUIDE says "Sumo Babies - 200th Episode"?
... they were at "Springfield Hospital", not "Springfield General
Hospital"?
... the hospital paged Dr. Bombay (the doctor in "Bewitched")?
Yuri Dieujuste:
... Marge zooms in at the floorboard with the camera?
... a kidney transplant is now a procedure (most likely an HMO)?
... Homer actually has a good memory of his father?
... Bart knows that he is America's bad boy?
... Homer brought the clothes with no money?
Alex Foley:
... the 4th straight new episode with the full opening theme song?
... Grampa calls Krusty Doctor?
Joe Green:
... the Retirement Castle's new sign?
John Jensen:
... the voice of the non-robot bartender was identical to that of one of
the guys in the Paint Your Wagon video ["All Singing all Dancing
(4F24)"]?
Darrel Jones:
... this is the first episode since [3F22] to use a couch scene from a
previous production batch?
... Marge's mother is now the only member of the extended Simpson family
not to have a birthday on the show?
... Springfield seems to be in California on this episode?
... one of the tourists is Asian, and other is bald and looks somewhat like
Homer?
... a few people are already using the World's Largest Toilet?
... Moe has Isotopes banners in his bar?
... the crazy old man is in the hospital waiting room with his arm in a
sling?
Joe Klemm:
... Al Jean co-executive produced this episode? (Shame on you, Al. You
can do better than this.)
Haynes Lee:
... most of the wharf rats smoking cigarettes?
Paul Lobbe:
... during Homer's soliloquy, the Frenchman is playing "I'm a Little
Teapot" in altered meter?
Jesse L. McCann:
... they also paged Doc Martins, wanted in podiatry?
... Homer's stitches are in the shape of a kidney, as if he were opened up
like the Operation game?
Mark Aaron Richey:
... the cactus on the brochure is wearing a cowboy hat and a bandana?
... the piece of cake beside Grampa's foot?
... the large amount of broken windows [at the ghost town]?
... the bartender is wearing a garter on his arm?
... Maggie is wearing a tiny cowboy hat in the car?
... everybody but Homer and Grampa is asleep in the car?
... the fire extinguisher in the OR?
... the get-well balloons in Grampa's room?
... the bride was holding a bouquet of flowers?
... the tire that got washed up with Homer?
... Homer is missing a shoe?
... Homer has a black eye after the accident?
Tom Rinschler:
... the right eye of one of the animatronic cowboys (the one sitting most
to the right of the poker table)vibrated rather alarmingly?
... the seaweed on Homer's head as he re-enters the hospital?
Benjamin Robinson:
... a new occasional guest voice, Karl Weidergott, appears to have joined
the cast?
Samuel Sklaroff:
... the brochure has a cactus wearing a hat on it? [{mar} adds that it's
wearing a bandana, too]
... the shorter, fatter Homer lookalike when Marge says "I never realized
history was so filthy"?
... one of the men in the "shootout" looks like Jebediah Springfield?
Mike Smith:
... it's only the third straight episode to have a full opening? [As it
would turn out, this would be a permanent comeback for the full opening
-- Ed.]
... one of the patients at Springfield Hospital worked for OFF?
... Grampa giving young Homer a [adult] NyQuil?
... it's the second episode (Out of the last three) to ended with Homer in
the hospital?
==============================================================================
> Voice Credits
==============================================================================
- Starring
- Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Abe, Krusty, Frenchman)
- Julie Kavner (Marge)
- Nancy Cartwright (Bart)
- Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
- Hank Azaria (Guide, Cowboy, Curly, Moe, Carl)
- Harry Shearer (Jasper, Bartender, Robot #1, Robot #2, Robot #3, Dr.
Hibbert, Lenny, Taffy Guy, Englishman, Card Guy, Father at beach, Rev.
Lovejoy)
- Also Starring
- Tress MacNeille (Intercom Nurse, Nurse, Woman, Boy at beach)
- Karl Weidergott (Tux Guy)
==============================================================================
> Movie (and other) references
==============================================================================
+ "Roger Rabbit in: Tummy Trouble" (cartoon short) {nl}
- title undoubtedly comes from this animated short, which appeared
before screenings of "Honey, I Shrunk The Kids"
+ "Hellzapoppin'," musical {dj}
- Homer's Ape's a Poppin' video
+ "Westworld" {hl}
- classic sci-fi movie about robot cowboy fantasy park
+ Pirates of the Caribbean {jk}
- Cowboy chasing showgirl in robot saloon [See "Comments" section for
more -- Ed.]
~ "Outlaws" videogame {ljg}
- Bloodbath Gulch looked a lot like the town in the second level of this
game
+ Muppet Babies {ad}
- the "Sumo Babies" TV Guide cover
+ Doc Martens {bjr}
- the podiatrist at Springfield Hospital has the same name as this shoe
maker
- "A Clockwork Orange" (movie) {eg}
- when Homer is trying to read the [liability] form he is signing, the
nurse says "Don't read it. Sign it." The prison guard said the same
thing to Alex when he tried to read what he was signing
~ "Beavis and Butthead Do America" {jg}
- Homer fleeing in terror as Dr. Hibbert (cf. Robert Stack) puts on a
rubber glove
+ "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" (movie) {tr}
- a character escaping a hospital through an open window
- "Butch Cassidy And the Sundance Kid" {hl}
- hand pump rail cart featured
+ Davey Jones' Locker {dj}
- Davey Jones' Hamper
- [Not to be confused with Darrel Jones' clothes basket -- Ed.]
+ "Moby Dick" {tr}
- the name of the taffy boat recalls the famous opening line of this
novel "Call me Ishmael"
- ["For all its faults, you certainly can't accuse Springfield's
storeowners of being illiterate" -- {mar}]
- French Foreign Legion {hl}
- folklore has it Frenchmen join to escape their troubles and be
forgotten, like the crew of the Ship of Lost Souls
- "Island Of Lost Souls" {ms}
- "Ship Of Lost Souls"
+ Peter Lorre, actor {jk}
- tuxedoed "Lost Soul" modeled after him
- "Between Two Worlds" {ms}
- Peter Lorre as one of the passengers
- "Great Expectations" {mar}
- the bride on the boat reminded me of Miss Haversham from the novel,
who wore the wedding dress from her long-ago aborted wedding through
the book
- "Les Miserables" {mar}
- bride's story about stealing the bread is similar to Jean Valjean's
(except he didn't rob a bank)
- "Outward Bound" {ms}
- much of plot in Act 3
+ "Bewitched"
- "Calling Doctor Bombay. Come right away," heard on hospital intercom.
Samantha from the show would say this sometimes
+ "North by Northwest" {dga}
- Homer standing in front of an oncoming truck is a direct reference to
this film: watch Cary Grant near the end of the cropduster scene
+ "Stolen Kidney" urban legend
- someone wakes up after a night at the bar and finds a kidney has been
stolen from him
==============================================================================
> Previous episode references
==============================================================================
- What Is It With OFF and Robots? {bjr}
- [8F11] Cheesy automatons at Wall E. Weasel
- [9F11] Bart de-pants George Washington robot
- [2F01] The professionals aren't much better then Homer since their robots
went berserk
- [2F01] Homer's unsuccessful experiments with robots mentioned
- [2F15] Robots in 2010 much more realistic, but still a little buggy
- [3F01] Dilapidated automatons at Storytown Village
- [AABF04] More flaky animatronics at Bloodbath Gulch
- Organ Transplant/Donor References {hl}
- [7F22] Smithers donated one of his kidneys to Burns
- [8F02] Burns transplants Homer's brain into robot, then transplants his
head on Homer's body
- [8F16] Playing at the Aztec: Ernest Needs a Kidney
- [9F09] Homer gets a triple bypass. Flanders is donating one of his
kidneys
- [1F15] BB: Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
- [2F14] Homer contemplating selling one of his livers because he can get
by on just one
- [3F14] Smithers refers to Homer as to one of Burns' organ banks from
sector 7-G
- [3F17] Bart carries a shipment of human eyes to Hong Kong. Courier
company wants him to deliver human kidney at end
- [4F05] Burns to his son: "It's good to know that ... there's another
kidney out there for me"
- [5F12] Homer tells Moe he can sell one of his kidneys
- [5F23] Kearney throws away liver transplant he found at airport towards
Barney. Barney thinks his liver trying to get away on him
- [AABF01] Homer gets hair transplant from recently executed Snake
- [AABF04] Well, duh!
- Water Retention References {hl}
- [8F04], [9F15], [4F22], [5F01] Homer's emergency bathroom breaks
- [9F04] Grampa wets his pants
- [1F09] Grampa full of piss and vinegar
- [3F10] Burns scheduled for a "bowelling"
- [3G03] Grampa asks Shari Bobbins to change his diaper
- [5F07] Bart uses Indian water trick to wake up early
- [AABF04] Well, duh!
- [7G02] Peter Lorre type character featured {hl}
- [7G05] Bart visits Grampa on day which coincidentally happens to be his
birthday {hl}
- [7F02] "You Are So Beautiful" is sung (and badly) {ol}
- [7F02] "You're are so beautiful ..." {ss}
- [7F06], [9F09], [9F17], [1F10], [2F20], [4F17], [AABF02] Episode ends in a
hospital {af}
- [7F10] A Simpson is hit by a car {nd}
- [7F13] Homer steps in front of a moving car {af}
- [7F22], [4F05] Kidney donations mentioned {nd}
- [8F07] Maggie's on a play toy that breaks {ad}
- [8F10] The name "Barnacle Bill" appears {nd}
- [9F06] Grampa's birthday forgotten {ad}
- [9F09] Homer is worried about dying during surgery {dj}
- [9F09] Hans Moleman driving large truck {hl}
- [9F09] Krusty shows up in hospital room {hl}
- [9F09], [2F32] a Simpson needs very important surgery {ad}
- [9F11] Robots are used at an exhibit {dj}
- [9F17] Someone slips out the hospital window {dj}
- [2F01], [3F31] Defective robots {ms}
- [2F06] Homer's privates revealed by the wind {ss}
- [2F32], [3G03] Tumbleweeds are seen/referenced {dj}
- [3F03] Grampa: "Are we there yet?" {hl}
- [3F06], [AABF02] Flashback to around 1969 {ms}
- [3F12] A character goes to sea to escape his problems {nd}
- [3F12] Handsome Pete appears
- [3F12], [3F18], [4F05] Handsome Pete appears {ss}
- [3F19] Name of Simpson family member included in episode title {ms}
- [3F24], [4F06] McAllister is an actual captain {nd}
- [3G01] Homer's birthday is forgotten {ss}
- [3G02] A character has a metal plate up his butt from his service in Vietnam
{dj}
- [3G02] Hans Moleman drives a truck {ss}
- [3G04] Homer joined the Navy {ms}
- [4F06] A can-can line is seen {dj}
- [4F10], [5F16] Homer's experiences in these episodes might be the reason for
his hatred of mountains {nd}
- [4F17] "Angries up the blood" is used by Grandpa {ss}
- [5F10] Homer passes a Canyonero on the sidecar {jg}
- [5F11], [5F18] Couch Gag {ms}
==============================================================================
> Freeze frame fun
==============================================================================
- At the ghost town {bjr}
BLOODBATH GULCH
"THE FRIENDLIEST TOWN
IN THE OLD WEST"
YE OLD ANIMATRONIC
S A L O O N
- Rest area sign {bjr}
REST AREA
85 WONDERFUL
BATHROOMS
- At the hospital {bjr}
SPRINGFIELD
HOSPITAL
DOCTORS CARRY LESS
THAN $5 CASH
- On the waterfront {bjr}
BARNACLE BILLY
ANGER
MANAGEMENT
CENTER
DAVEY
JONSES'
HAMPER
CALL ME DELISH-MAEL
TAFFY SHOP
==============================================================================
> Animation, continuity, and other goofs
==============================================================================
c Much of the dialogue during the gunfight is not captioned. {mar}
= Maggie managed to squeal without moving her lips. (She's done it with her
pacifier in her mouth before - in "Bart the Lover" - but you could see her
mouth open.) {ddg}
* Homer said he wanted to watch "Inside the Actors Studio", but it's only on
cable TV. (Maybe he watches through the Flanders' window?) {ddg}
* If anything of Grampa's was going to burst, it should have been his bladder
rather than his kidneys. [This was probably artistic license, but worthy
of being included for the sake of completeness -- Ed.]
= The tracks in the concrete appear before the railcar wheels rolled over it.
{mar}
* Couldn't the hospital put Grampa on dialysis long enough to keep him alive
until a donor could be found? {bjr}
- There is no name on the back of the boat in the first shot. {mar}
* Though I'm not a medical major by any means, shouldn't Homer's kidney scar
be a bit higher up (plus, it seems highly unlikely for kidneys to simply
burst as shown in this ep)? {ad}
==============================================================================
> Reviews
==============================================================================
Dale G. Abersold: Pointless episode, no laughs ... the second coming of
"Realty Bites" or "A Milhouse Divided"? Very likely. Hey, it could have
been worse. Still, look for the episode to appear at the bottom of my
Best/Worst list at the end of the season. (D)
Brad Bizzolt: Wow, what a bizarre, disjointed, go-everywhere-but-in-
actuality-go-nowhere plot. While every segment had some really funny
parts, they were all able to go on for far too long. There were a handful
of great one-off sight-gags, but unfortunately none of them were so
memorable that I'm still laughing while thinking about them. Homer's
constant shuffling between insincerity, genuine love, and stupidity was a
bit too bumpy a ride for me. I have a feeling I'll enjoy this episode a
lot more in syndication, like I did with most of Season 9's offerings, but
for the time being, I'm a little disappointed. The lowest grade I could
possibly give an episode that made me laugh out loud multiple times: (C)
Rich Bunnell: This was simply the most disjointed episode of Simpsons that
I've ever seen. That isn't BAD, but the episode jumped from idea to idea
so wildly that it didn't seem like a real episode. It was okay up to the
"Homer goes to the ship of lost souls" thing, when the plot just got
utterly weird. I nearly groaned when Homer jumped out of the operating
table for a SECOND time, but the episode redeemed it with the car falling
on Homer. Also good is that even though Homer acted like a jerk in this
episode, at least he (and other characters) realized it. (B)
Ben Collins: This episode is unspeakably bad. It's not funny to see Homer
almost kill his father through bumbling insensitivity; any attempt at humor
based on this premise is bound to fail, and does. Come to think of it,
very little else about this episode is funny either. The pointless "lost
ship of souls" deal is a big yawner. I'll stop ranting now ... (D-)
Nathan DeHoff: There are two problems that can arise in a serious sort of
episode like this one. A writer could center the episode around tasteless
humor, or avoid humor entirely. While this episode might have occasionally
bordered on tastelessness (mostly due to Homer's selfishness), I don't
think that it went too far, and it was certainly not without humor. [...]
It seems to be a case of trading one cliche for another, with the
character-lets-love-triumph--at-the-last-minute cliche sacrificed in favor
of the character-gets-injured-in-a-ridiculous-manner cliche. Although
Homer getting injured has been a bit overdone recently, I must admit that
the car carrier gag was set up quite well. Overall, I'd say this was a
pretty good episode. Grade (B+)
Anthony Dean: Most of the jokes/plot was pretty stupid/lame (exploding
kidneys?), but the episode didn't stir a negative reaction in me the way
"D'oh-In in the Wind" and "When You Dish Upon a Star" did (my two least
favorite episodes this season), and I figure the whole ghost town bit and
the slightly morbid-yet-weird organ harvesting jokes made it worth
watching. (C)
Don Del Grande: I've seen it all before; a not particularly funny concept as
a story, Homer disgusting other people whose stories are bad enough, and
someone realizing that family is the best thing and doing the right thing.
Okay, so Homer chickening out the second time is new, but even I knew what
was going to happen the minute Homer was hit by the car ... (B)
Yuri Dieujuste: I honestly think that this episode was well written, but it
was not funny. The story line was fleshed out to make some sense. I will
expect some continuity problems because of the episode. The ending was
funny and but a little unrealistic. In the real world Homer would be dead
or seriously paralyzed. Graphically the episode was standard Season 9-10
animation. (C)
Alex Foley: What to say ... I have no idea. I thought the Ghost Town was
hilarious, but it all went downhill from there ... Acts 2 & 3 were
painfully unfunny at some points, and the Kidney's exploding was just too
unrealistic for me (this coming from a guy who has no problem with
Murderous Itchy & Scratchy robots or Homer in space <g>) ... I'll give this
one a (D)
Joe Green: I'm sorry, but I haven't seen an OFF episode this lame in quite
some time. The slow pace didn't help at all; the ghost town setup dragged
on for around 10 minutes. And is "Homer Simpson in Kidney Trouble" the
best title Swartzwelder could come up with? (D)
Darrel Jones: Bah! What a horrible episode! Homer was a total jerk, and
even when he's nice, he changes and acts mean. The only redeeming parts
are the ghost town at the start, and Hans Moleman. (C-)
Haynes Lee: The chalkboard line made no sense, the couch scene was recycled.
And it was all down hill from there. (D-)
Jake Lennington: I agree with the people who didn't like this episode. IMO,
it is the worst episode of this season and it's in the ten worst of all
time. (D-)
Ondre Lombard: I look at episodes like this, with a blank expression, and
think, "What the hell has happened to this show?" [...] Garbage like this
should really make the staff ashamed of themselves (F)
Abhi Ray: I think this episode was better than what most people think. The
whole theme of Homer's fear of the operation could have been developed
better, instead of spending so much time in the ghost town. The entire 3rd
act was extremely predictable, because this is the 4th episode out of 7
this season that had Homer facing some emotional crisis. And the ending
was kinda lame. Still, there were some good moments, so I'll give the
episode a 7/10 (C+)
Mark Aaron Richey: After an mildly amusing but overlong first act (Bloodbath
Gulch seemed like an R-rated version of Storytown Village), Grampa's
kidneys pop, thanks to Homer's stupidity. The rest of the episode (slowly)
covered Homer's plan to make up, and then (slowly) covered his fleeing and
returning. There was not much point, and not much humor. Serious medical
conditions have produced good episodes before (after all, "Homer's Triple
Bypass" is fantastic), but this one is just dumb and pointless. Hopefully,
Swartzwelder's next episode will be a major improvement. (C-)
Tom Rinschler: IMHO, one of the best episodes in recent memory, being a good
mixture of humor and seriousness. The scenes at the ghost town were
extremely funny, and had me ROFL more than once (history being filthy,
flying animatronic robot pieces, taking pictures of boards, etc.). The
rest of the plot, although not as well done as this, kept up a good pace.
The only really glaring bit was that Homer reverted at times to some of his
less savory characteristics (which he will no doubt be pilloried for in
this group). Still, overall an above-average effort. (A)
Jason Rosenbaum: Tonight's episode absolutely sucked. It had no set mood (it
was serious, it was humorous, serious, then crazy). If you think about,
great episode have had a set mood (Last Exit To Springfield had a serious
mood, Homie The Clown was a slapstick, etc.) and this one had the premise
of a serious episode and turned into a poor attempt of humorous episode.
Speaking of humor, there was none. All the attempts failed. The
prostitute thing got old quickly, and after that, it could have been a
great serious episode. When Homer jumped out the window, so did the
episode. Plus, the ending was one of the worst in Simpsons History. I saw
it coming from a mile away. It's worse than any Ken Keeler episode. (D-)
Eric Smith: I have heard very negative reviews about this episode, but it
was, in my eyes, the best episode to date. The opening scene, (I hope you
didn't miss it) foreshadowed an episode full of more laughs than ever
before. The first hospital scene was probably one of the funniest I have
ever seen. Highlighted by such lines as, "I'm surprised you're alive right
now ..." and, "I'm afraid your eating days are over ...", "Kidney Trouble
is hysterical. (A+)
Gary Wilson: Fair episode. I thought the first act had its moments, but was
overall not funny and at times a little too vulgar. But when Homer joined
the ship of lost souls I think it really picked up. I'm not sure exactly
what this was a parody of (I'm sure something) but it reminded me of quite
a number of things. I liked Captain McAllister's couple of lines (I
always like his appearances) and the Peter Lorre character and the French
guy were funny as were many of the others on the ship. I think that was
the best part. There were a few too many ins and outs of Homers changes of
heart for my liking, but I also sort of enjoyed the many changes in plot
and setting. I found it slightly humorous throughout, and enjoyed watching
it without a doubt. (C+)
Yours Truly: Well, they can't all be gems. The premise is potentially
interesting, but Homer is portrayed as being too cold-hearted to be really
funny. As for the rest of the story, most of the humor was rather silly
and surreal, but I did like the scenes at the ghost town and waterfront.
Overall, it didn't quite click with me. (C-)
AVERAGE GRADE: C- (1.82) Std Dev.: 1.2748 (29 reviews computed)
==============================================================================
> Comments and other observations
==============================================================================
>> Mike Smith in: Title Follies
Mike Smith notes: "Homer Simpson In: Kidney Trouble" is only the second
episode to have an official episode title in the series. The first is
"Raging Abe Simpson And His Grumbling Grandson In 'The Curse Of The Flying
Hellfish'" [3F19]. Of course, very shortly, we'll have "Marge Simpson In:
Screaming Yellow Honkers" [AABF10].
>> Writer Watch
Mike Smith: John Swartzwelder is truly defined by many fans of OFF as the
Veteran writer of the series, having written more episodes than any other
writers. His first, "Bart The General" [7G05], was one of four episodes he
wrote in the first season. He has his classics (His Itchy & Scratchy
episodes, starting with "Itchy & Scratchy & Marge" [7F09]), and his worsts
(Like "Bart Gets an Elephant" [1F15]), but, no matter how people like or
dislike his work, he still there!
>> Meta-reference Corner
Don Del Grande: Bart calls himself "America's bad boy."
>> Musical References
Mark Aaron Richey: "You are So Beautiful to Me"-mid-70's Joe Crocker song.
About his love, it's a tad over the top (by the end of the song, he's
practically crying). He still sings it better than Krusty, though.
>> �Donde esta Springfield?
David Sewell gives us one of the more comprehensive answers to the "Where is
Springfield" mystery: "Kidney Trouble" has clearly solved the problem of
Springfield's location.
Bloodbath Gulch is modeled on Old Tucson, the studio/amusement park outside
of Tucson. (It has elements of Tombstone, of course, but can't be
physically located there because it is surrounded by saguaros; Tombstone is
50 miles or so past the eastern limit of the saguaro in Arizona.)
While driving to the ghost town, Homer looks at his watch and complains
that they've been driving for two hours. Shortly afterwards, they arrive
at Bloodbath Gulch.
We know that Springfield is on a seacoast. The only city with a port large
enough to harbor oceangoing vessels within anything close to a two hours'
drive from Tucson (actually, more like four) is Puerto Pe�asco (a.k.a.
"Rocky Point") on the Gulf of California.
Puerto Pe�asco is in the Mexican state of Sonora. Q.E.D.
Glad to have cleared up this long-standing dilemma.
Well maybe not so fast. Mark Skrbich rebuts: Chicago and Duluth and other
Great Lakes cities can handle ocean going ships and aren't on the seacoast.
The Mississippi has been dredged so that ocean ships can travel as far
north as Baton Rouge, LA
>> Kidneys a-popping
Several people noticed that Abe's kidneys couldn't really suffer a "double
blowout." Mark Aaron Richey explains why: I don't know much about
medicine (and unlike Homer, I freely admit it), but what happened to Abe
is, quite simply, impossible. Kidneys produce urine, but they don't store
it. The bladder is the storage place for urine, and if anything was going
to burst, it would be that. However, long before that would happen, Abe's
body would have expelled the urine, whether or not he wanted to do it. In
other words, he would have peed in his pants. Even if something did happen
to Abe's kidneys, he wouldn't have been in that bad of shape. Until the
transplant, he would have had to be on dialysis, and would have been fine,
more or less. [Dialysis patients might not be so sanguine about this, but
at least they would be alive -- Ed.]
Haynes Lee adds: Grampa's kidney's bursting reminds me of a Tycho Brahe (who
had a silver prosthetic tongue [Just kidding; it was really a prosthetic
nose -- Ed.] like Jebediah). Supposedly in 1601 the Danish astronomer died
from a burst bladder. As the story goes, Tycho was at the table of a king,
downing quite a bit of wine/other spirits. Unfortunately, etiquette
dictated that one not rise from the table until the king did so first.
Sure enough, Tycho's bladder burst and he died some unspecified amount of
time later.
[Mr. Lee provides a website, which worked as of the revision date of this
capsule -- http://www.urbanlegends.com/death/brahe_death_of.html -- Ed.]
>> Bloodbath Gulch
Haynes Lee: The beginning sequence for AABF04 is a lot like the 1973 Michael
Chrichton's sci-fi western movie Westworld which takes place at an adult
vacation resort serviced by robots. The main character Richard Benjamin
chooses an old time Western town where something goes wrong and he is
pursued by a malfunctioning robot played by Yul Brenner. A possible
inspiration for "The Terminator" starring Arnie.
>> Yo, ho, ho, and a bottle of root beer!
A few people noticed Disney bowdlerized its "Pirates of the Caribbean" ride,
which Bloodbath Gulch referenced. Mark Aaron Richey discusses this, too:
the robot cowboy chasing the robot prostitute upstairs reminded me of a now
removed scene from the Disney World ride, where pirates chased buxom women
(they still chase the women, but now the women are carrying food).
>> Version also suitable for hospital patients
Joe Klemm: Some films and TV episodes have "Airline Versions". These
versions cut out anything that involves airplanes getting into danger,
which may give fear to those riding a plane. A noticeable "Airplane
Version" of a Simpsons episode is "Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington", where the
joke where Bart releases the plane's oxygen masks was cut.
>> The man who was even luckier than Homer
Brad Bizzolt provides some clarification for those not familiar with baseball
lore: On July 4, 1939, during a speech to a sold-out Yankee Stadium, Lou
Gehrig announced his retirement from baseball, due to complications from an
unknown illness which would later come to be known as ALS (a.k.a. Lou
Gehrig's Disease, surprisingly enough). In that famous speech, he
proclaimed himself to be "The luckiest man on the face of the earth." This
is where the Lou Gehrig reference comes from, during Homer's conversation
while at Moe's.
[Mark Aaron Richey points out that Gehrig held the record for most
consecutive games played until Cal Ripkin, Jr. (Baltimore Orioles)
surpassed it in 1995 -- Ed.]
Joe Klemm adds: Lou Gehrig was a player for the New York Yankees who was
known for both longing a streak of consecutive games played and a rare
disease that took his life. The "Luckiest Man" bit spoofs his speech at
his final game.
>> You've got to hide me, Rick!
Dale G. Abersold: The "lost soul" with a tuxedo and Eastern European accent
is obviously a parody of various characters played by the talented
Hungarian actor Peter Lorre. He is best known for his performances as
Ugarte in "Casablanca," Joel Cairo in "The Maltese Falcon," and best of
all, the murderer in "M."
>> Where's Maggie?
Anthony Dean asks, and answers, this question: Anyone with any guesses as to
where Maggie was during the family's trips to the hospital? My guess would
be with Marge's sisters (to Maggie's horror, no doubt, if her reaction in
"Homer Alone" means anything ...), though another possibility could be with
either the Flanderses or Ruth Powers (or, in the tradition of the likes of
"Rugrats", off on some bizarre hospital-based adventure on her own ...).
Jessi Cuellar: My guess is with Ruth. In the episode where Marge wigs out,
she chose to leave Maggie with Homer(of all people) instead of her sisters,
and again in "A Streetcar Named Marge", she chose daycare over her sisters
for little Maggie. As for the Flanders flock, they once tried to baptize
Maggie as their own, so I don't believe Marge would trust them with her. It
would have been nice to see what Maggie was up to during that time. She
has basically become an accessory for Marge, like her beads. I would like
to see more of the little cutie.
>> The man with three kidneys
Mark Aaron Richey: Star of "I Dream of Jeanne" and "Dallas", [Larry Hagman]
had a liver transplant a few years ago, after being on the list for only a
month (most people are on for several years). Doctors said it was because
he wasn't added to the list until he was dangerously ill, and needed a new
liver immediately. However, there were complaints that he got it simply
because of his celebrity status.
>> Boldly going where other shows have gone before
Haynes Lee points out a connection between tonight's episode and some other
shows:
- "Duckman"
Mr. Lee cites "Duckman" web site for information on a related episode: This
Simpsons episodes is a bit similar to Duckman episode #60 ["Kidney,
Popsicle, and Nuts"] Duckman needs a new kidney. To get one requires a
donation from a blood relative. He searches for his father, who he thought
was cryogenically frozen. Instead he discovers that the man he thought was
his father, wasn't. Using the power of the Microsoft Network (Blatant
Plug!), the twins and Cornfed find where dad is currently living. Duckman
and Cornfed travel there, only to find that his is a paranoid schizophrenic
who's formed his own country.
[From http://www.geocities.com/~j_reiko/heg/duckman/duckman.htm#ep060]
- "King of the Hill"
Haynes Lee continues: As with the medically graphic explanation of Grampa's
kidney failure, "King of the Hill" had an entire episode devoted to Hank's
constipation and he spent half of it sitting on a toilet. That episode is
considered a groundbreaking classic.
>> Miscellaneous, Etc.
The Haynes Lee alterna-title for this show is: Homer Simpson And The Sundance
Kidney
Dale G. Abersold: If making polenta is a "procedure," then is homemade pasta
a full-fledged "operation"?
Anthony Dean: Is this the only episode this season so far that *hasn't* had
some sort of celebrity guest voice? That seems to be a rarity these days
for the show ...
Jordan Eisenberg answers: "Lisa Gets an "A" (AABF03)" had none, and "Bart,
the Mother (5F22)" only had Phil Hartman, who may or may not count.
Michael Morbius: Considering how realistically soft and elastic the
animatron's buttocks that Grandpa fondled were, Moe could just order a pair
of animatronic buttocks for himself, to tide himself over until Homer dies.
Mark Aaron Richey provides this quartet of items: Inside the Actor's Studio -
Bravo series where famous actors, graduates of the famed Actors Studio in
New York (birthplace of the method school of acting) talk about their
craft.
F. Murray Abraham -- 1984's Best Actor winner (for "Amadeus"), his career
has gone downhill since then. He is currently playing the bad guy in the
new "Star Trek" film.
NyQuil - the nighttime sniffling, sneezing, coughing, etc, etc, medicine.
Puts people to sleep so quickly because it's 10% alcohol.
Benjamin Robinson: I liked this week's blackboard gag: "I am not a licensed
hairstylist." It's especially funny if you think about what he had to do
to merit that particular sentence ....
==============================================================================
> Quotes and Scene Summary
==============================================================================
% The Simpsonmobile is driving down a street, supposedly carrying OFF
% on a day out of some sort. Bart is busying himself with a pamphlet.
Bart: This ghost town is gonna be great. [reads pamphlet] Now
with 30% more gunfights!
Marge: [looking in a copy of the same booklet] And 40% more
root'n toot'n!
Lisa: And the tumble weeds tumble at two, four and six; plus a
midnight tumbling on weekends!
Marge: That's so sweet of you to take us out like this, Homie!
[Marge turns around to the kids] Come on kids! Three
cheers for your father; hip, hip!
Lisa: Mom, don't.
Marge: Hip, hip!
Bart: We heard you the first time.
Marge: [insistently] Hip, hip!
Homer: Hey, I'm trying to drive here!
-- "Homer Simpson in: Kidney Trouble"
% A quiet beeping noise begins to sound. Lisa observes where it's
% coming from and sees a small warning light on the dashboard of the
% car. She warns Homer about it, and his solution is to stick some
% duct tape on the light.
%
% The solution doesn't work for long, and the car slows to a halt in
% front of the Springfield Retirement Castle. Abe is sitting in a
% chair with Jasper next to him. "Aaaw, they remembered my birthday,"
% Abe says. He stands up happily and starts walking towards the car.
% Homer desperately tries to get it started, but no dice. Abe,
% walking along with his arms out in front of him like a zombie,
% sings, "Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me!"
%
% In a zombie-movie style climax, Grampa slowly approaches the car and
% comes to the window. Meanwhile, on the other side of the car,
% Jasper goes to Lisa's window and shocks her. By the looks of
% things, Grampa has invited himself to the day out.
%
% The day does not pass as quickly as Homer would like.
Homer: [looking at watch] Two hours? Why'd they build this ghost
town so far away?
Lisa: Because they discovered gold right over there!
Homer: It's because they're stupid, that's why. That's why
everybody does everything.
-- That explains a few things, "Homer Simpson in: Kidney Trouble"
% The Simpsons finally arrive at the ghost town called "Bloodbath
% Gulch." It appears to be set up like a small town in a western
% movie. There is a small group of people with a tour guide.
Marge: This should be very educational. I want you kids to pay
attention.
Guide: Founded by prostitutes in 1849, and serviced by prostitute
express riders who could bring in a fresh prostitute from
Saint Joe in three days; Bloodbath Gulch quickly became
known as a place where a trail hand could spend a month's
pay in three minutes.
Homer: Three minutes! [whistles]
Marge: I never realized history was so filthy!
Guide: First on our tour is the whore house; then we'll visit the
cathouse, the brothel, the bordello, and finally the old
mission.
Marge: Oh, thank heaven!
Guide: Lots of prostitutes in there!
Marge: Hmmmmm ...
-- History class was never like this, "Homer Simpson in: Kidney
Trouble"
% The tour continues.
Guide: ... but there was more to the old west than just sex,
folks, a lot more! If you look off to your left, you'll
see a real old west hitchin' post, possibly used by
bandits, possibly during some exciting adventure! And
these planks below us were possibly used as a sidewalk by
people who may or may not have been bandits!
Marge: [takes a photo of the planks] That's a keeper! [Homer
raises his hand]
Guide: Uh, yes sir?
Homer: Do we have to listen to you?
Guide: Well, no, you don't, but if you have any interest in
history ...
Homer: I'm done! [walks away] [Marge nervously laughs, picks up
Maggie and walks away with the kids]
-- History is bunk, anyway, "Homer Simpson in: Kidney Trouble"
% The family walk into a bar titled "Ye Old Animatronic Saloon." A
% piano song accompanies.
Bart: Wow, have you ever seen so many robot cowboys?
[Homer goes to the bartender]
Homer: Hey, robot, get your fat metal ass down here!
Bartender: Well, first of all; I'm not a robot, and second, I
got this metal ass in 'Nam, defending this country
for lazy jerks like you!
[cheers up] Now, what'll you have, partner?!
Homer: Let's see, [counts Marge, Bart and Lisa] One, two,
three ... six whiskeys!
Bart: All right!
Bartender: We only serve sasparilla, mac, no alcohol.
Homer: Ohhh ...
Marge: You can get drunk when we get home!
Homer: Duh!
-- "Homer Simpson in: Kidney Trouble"
% Some robot cowboys are playing cards, sat at a table.
Robot 1: Hey, these cards are mine. [table falls]
Robot 2: Now look what you've done.
Robot 1: I'm sorry I don't know what came over me.
Robot 3: Let's forget this whole thing happened.
Homer: What the heck is this, a tea party? Somebody kill
somebody! [Homer raises his bottle and smashes it on a
robot's head. The robots begin to shoot Homer, who dives
under a table]
Marge: What is it with you and robots?
-- "Homer Simpson in: Kidney Trouble"
% Bart puts a quarter in a robot's head. The stage comes to life,
% music plays, and some robot women begin to do an unsavory dance,
% baring their underwear. One kick her legs, and it flies off,
% narrowly missing Bart and crashing through the window. One leans
% over and her buttcheeks come flying off, and land next to Abe who is
% standing at the bar; drinking. "Oooooh! Hello, sweet cheeks!" Abe
% says, and squeezes the derriere. A hand comes flying and slaps him
% in the face.
%
% Meanwhile, Marge is standing by an electronic horse ride for babies,
% which Maggie is sitting on.
Marge: Who's a little cowgirl? [Maggie pulls the ear off]
Bart: [runs up] Hey, mom, look what I got!
[shows Marge a poster which shows a picture of Homer's
face, and the words, "WANTED FOR LEWD BEHAVIOUR."]
Marge: Oh, that's cute! [laughs] Did you get it in the souvenir
shop?
Bart: No, that security guard is handing them out! [indicates]
Marge: Hmmmmm ... [nervously takes the poster, screws it up and
puts it in her purse]
-- "Homer Simpson in: Kidney Trouble:
% Suddenly, some cowboys begin to have a gunfight.
Guide: [obvious] Uh oh! Better run for cover, partners! Some
varmints are having a shoot-out!
Cowboy: Yeeeeee haaaaaa! [the cowboys start shooting, and say
things like, "You yellowbelly!"]
[a fat, slobby cowboy walks along, moaning. The crowd is
amused by this supposed humorous gesture]
Guide: Ho, ho, there's old Curly. He played the town preacher
until we laid him off, but he still hangs around! [crowd
claps]
Curly: [walks to Homer] Help me, please! I'm sick!
Homer: [laughs hysterically]
Marge: Homer!
Homer: But it's funny, Marge; the guy's sick! [Curly collapses
into a horse trough, unable to breathe because of the
water or get out. He becomes unconscious]
Lisa: Uh, shouldn't we help him?
Bart: He knows what he's doing. [someone takes a photo]
-- Job dedication, "Homer Simpson in: Kidney Trouble"
% Abe is drinking in the bar.
Abe: Ah, can't get a good sasparilla like this back in
Springfield. It angries up the blood.
Bartender: Heh, you like it, huh?
Abe: Up yours!!
-- ... and that's why they banned it in Springfield, "Homer Simpson
in: Kidney Trouble"
% The day is over, and the Simpsons head home.
Abe: Uh, can I go to the bathroom before we leave?
Homer: Oh, we've got to go home! I don't want to miss "Inside
the Actor's Studio"! Tonight it's F. Murray Abraham!
Abe: But I really need to ...
Homer: F ... MURRAY ... ABRAHAM!
[the family has been driving for a while. Homer is
whistling. Grampa is struggling]
Abe: There's a rest area! Pull over!
Homer: Can't stop now, we're making great time!
Abe: Erg, can I go behind a tree?
Homer: What are you, an animal?
[later ...]
Homer: Whoever keeps saying "please stop" back there better quit
it!
Abe: Ohh ... [They pass a very, very, very large toilet]
Homer: Wow, get a load of that toilet!
Abe: Pleeaaase, go back! You can make it my birthday present!
Homer: Oh, we're almost home, dad. Only a couple more times over
the horizon.
Abe: I might explode!
Homer: [reassuring] You just sit back and relax. I'm not gonna
let anything happen to my old dad!
[later still, at Springfield Hospital, Dr. Hibbert shows
OFF an X-ray of Grampa's kidneys]
Hibbert:Oh, dear God! This man's kidney's have exploded! There's
nothing left!
-- Sit back and relax, indeed, "Homer Simpson in: Kidney Trouble"
% Despite Homer's suggestion that Grampa's kidney explosion is a
% natural part of aging, Dr. Hibbert diagnoses the problem as a
% "textbook kidney blowout." Abe wants to eat something, but Hibbert
% says Abe's eating days are behind him. Abe laughs, realizes its a
% bad thing, and moans.
%
% [End of Act Two. Time: 7:14]
%
% At Springfield Hospital, the evaluation of Grampa's condition
% continues.
Abe: How long do I have to live, Doc?
Hibbert: [laughs] I'm amazed you're alive now!
Homer: Ooooh ...! I blame myself for this.
Marge: We all blame you.
Homer: Come on, Doc, there's gotta be something I can do to help
my dad!
Hibbert: Well, you could give him a kidney.
Homer: A kidney?! ... O.K; fine.
Hibbert: You see, the waiting list for a kidney is very long, and
...
Homer: I said fine! What is it about the word "sure" you don't
understand?
Abe: Oh, thank you, son! [runs up to Homer and hugs him, and
feels his kidneys] Mmmm, I'll take the left one! It's
good and springy; though the right one's not without its
charm!
-- Decisions, decisions, "Homer Simpson in: Kidney Trouble"
% Back at the Simpsons home, Homer eats from a tray heaping with his
% favorite foods. Bart rents his dad's favorite gorilla movies
% ("Gorilla Squadron," "Gorilla Island 6," and the airline version of
% "Apes-A-Poppin!") As Lisa fluffs his pillow, Homer decides he's the
% world's luckiest man, especially now that Lou Gehrig passed away.
%
% Later, Homer is sitting at the counter at Moe's Bar.
Moe: Well; I've got to hand it to you, Homer: you're really
brave to go through with this operation.
Homer: It's not an operation, Moe. The doctor said it's just a
procedure.
Moe: No, no, no, no, making polenta, now that's a procedure.
We're talking about deadly life threatening surgery here.
Homer: Really? You think It's dangerous?
Carl: Oh, yeah; and even if you survive the operation ...
Homer: Procedure! Deadly procedure.
Carl: Whatever, the point is, with only one kidney, you won't be
able to drink yourself stupid no more.
Homer: [defensively] Now you're just trying to scare me.
Lenny: Plus, they'll put you on one of those organ donor sucker
lists. Everyone who wants an eyeball or a spine or a
vestigial tail will be after ya!
Homer: But I don't want that!
Moe: Listen, I'm just gonna get right to the point here ... can
I have your buttocks? I mean, if you die. They look
pretty comfortable.
Homer: Yeah, I guess.
Carl: And, uh, are those your original lips?
Homer: Well, actually I ... Hey! Quit harvesting me with your
eyes! [Homer storms out of the bar. Moe looks at Homer's
butt]
Moe: Oh, yeah ... that would look so good on me!
-- Parts is parts, "Homer Simpson in: Kidney Trouble"
% Homer and Marge are going to bed.
Homer: Marge, I've been thinking. What if instead of donating
one of my old worn out kidneys; I give Grampa that
artificial kidney I invented?
Marge: Oh, Homer, that was just a beer can with a whistle glued
to it.
Homer: Oh, but I don't want them cutting up my soft, supple body!
Why didn't someone tell me what I was volunteering for?
This is everybody's fault but mine.
Marge: Oh, I know you're scared, Homie; but remember why you're
doing this! It's for your father! The man who raised
you; and nurtured you.
[flashback ...]
Abe: [reading to Homer] Jack and Jill went up the hill aaaand
... [skips pages] Jill came tumbling after; the end! Good
night.
Homer: [younger] Is that the same Jack from Jack and the
Beanstalk?
Abe: You know, son, I believe it is.
Homer: And Jack Sprat. Is that him, too?
Abe: Sure, why not? Goodnight.
Homer: Is he the same as Jack Be Nimble, and Jack Frost, and
Little Jack Horner?
Abe: [picks up bottle] Saaaay, how about a little NyQuil?
Homer: [drinks a cup] All gone. [falls asleep]
Abe: Aw, I love you, son.
[back to present]
Homer: I owe dad so much. Those bedtime stories began my
lifelong love affair with the printed word. [pats TV
guide]
Marge: Well, giving him a kidney is a wonderful way of showing
him how you feel!
Homer: You're right, Marge. I'll do it! But if I die during the
operation, will you do one thing for me?
Marge: Oh, anything, sweetheart!
Homer: Blow up the hospital.
Marge: Hmmm ... well, I said I'd do it, so I guess I'll have to.
Homer: That's my girl. [Homer lays down to go to sleep]
Marge: Hmmmm ...
-- "Homer Simpson in: Kidney Trouble"
% The next day at the hospital, as Doc Martens is called to podiatry,
% a nurse asks Homer to sign a liability wavier. He does so,
% reluctantly.
%
% With the formalities out of the way, the operation can begin. Homer
% and Abe are on hospital surgery beds next to each other, preparing
% for the operation.
Abe: I love you, son.
Homer: I love you, dad. [they hold hands]
Hibbert: [puts on surgical gloves] Now don't you fella's worry;
this will all be over soon and ... what the?
[Homer isn't there, and the curtains flap because of the
wind coming from the open window. Homer has obviously
chickened out]
Hibbert: We've gotta get rid of that window!
-- That might be a good idea, "Homer Simpson in: Kidney Trouble"
% Abe asks where his son is. The answer: On a railroad handcar,
% trying to get as far away from the hospital as he can.
%
% [End of Act Two. Time: 11:48.1]
%
% Back at Springfield Hospital, the rest of the family tries to take
% in the consequences of Homer's flight.
Lisa: I can't imagine dad running away like this, leaving his
father to die ...
Bart: Even I wouldn't do that, and I'm America's bad boy.
Hibbert: It's a heartbreaking situation. [laughs. Each laugh gets
duller each time]
Abe: Am I dead yet?
Marge: No.
Abe: How about now?
Marge: No. [losing temper]
Abe: Now?
Marge: I'll tell you when you're dead, Grampa.
Abe: Thank you.
-- "Homer Simpson in: Kidney Trouble"
% Meanwhile, Homer is still painfully trying to pilot the handcar down
% the middle of a public road. Ultimately, he parks it between two
% cars, and walks along a dock.
Homer: I'm not worthy to live among civilized people. [looks at
some uncivilized kind of people] Even those guys look too
civilized for me. [sees seagulls and gasps] I can live
at sea! The sea forgives all! [angers] Unlike those
mean old mountains! I hate them so much!
[the wind blows Homer's "gown" up at the back. Some
people groan]
The sea won't stand for this!
-- "Homer Simpson in: Kidney Trouble"
% Homer walks into a shop titled "Davey Jones' Hamper," and walks out
% wearing a sailor hat and some better clothes. He walks up to guy
% painting the side of a ship
Homer: Um, can I be a mate on your ship? Preferably first mate.
Guy: Well, if you'll look closely, you'll notice this is a
taffy shop, shaped like a ship. [camera pulls out to show
that he's telling the truth]
Homer: Oooh, I like taffy but I don't deserve taffy!
-- "Homer Simpson in: Kidney Trouble"
% Back at the hospital, Abe is sleeping in his bed. Krusty comes into
% the room, frantically strumming a ukulele.
Krusty: Hey, hey! [Abe wakes up startled] Krusty, here to cheer
you up as part of the hospital's last laugh program!
Abe: Last laugh?
Krusty: So, how about that hospital food, huh?
Abe: I wouldn't know, I'm not allowed to eat.
Krusty: Oooo Kaaay ... let's have a look at the old chart.
[looks] Oh, boy ... looks like we're both short on time!
Well, so I'll go to the big finish.
[singing] You are so beautiful toooooo meeeeeeeeeee!!!
[Krusty runs out of the room, and puts his head through
the door] Feel better!
Abe: Come back, doctor!
-- "Homer Simpson in: Kidney Trouble"
% Homer is walking along pier, and sees ship sailing away.
Homer: A tramp steamer! That's perfect! [runs and jumps, and
hangs onto the back of the ship. Capt. McAllister walks
up] I'd like to apply for a job. [still hanging] Any
job! If you don't have a captain I could be that.
Capt.: Arrr, what other ships have you been on?
Homer: I've been in that one, [points] the Taffy Shop.
Capt.: Good enough. [helps Homer up] Welcome aboard the ship of
... [grimly] lost souls ...
Homer: The name on the back says "Honeybunch."
Capt.: Yarr, I've been meaning to paint over that. Now come and
meet the rest of the damned. Did I mention they're ...
[grimly] lost souls ...?
Homer: Well, actually you did.
Capt.: Yarr, yarr ...
-- Homer joins the crew of ... lost souls, "Homer Simpson in: Kidney
Trouble"
% Homer walks into a room on the ship. It is full of stereotypes, er,
% lost souls.
Frenchman: Another lost soul has joined our world-weary
"ensemble."
Homer: Hey, who are you guys?
Tux Guy: [laughs] Who are we? No one. Where are we sailing?
Nowhere. Do we even exist? Who knows?!
Homer: Hey, let me off this thing!
Englishman: Oh, don't listen to him. We exist, all right.
Homer: Phew ...
Woman: We wander the seven seas trying to forget.
Homer: Forget what?
Englishman: Oh, boy, here we go.
Woman: My story of jilted love is long and bittersweet. If
anyone has to go to the bathroom, go now. I don't
you walking around during my story.
Englishman: My story's better, it has tigers!
Woman: I was born into wretched poverty. So one day I
stole a loaf of bread ... put it into the freezer
until it was very hard, then robbed a bank with it!
Homer: [gasps]
-- Terrifying tales of the damned, "Homer Simpson in: Kidney Trouble"
% Later, the tuxedo-wearing man concludes his tale.
Tux Guy: ... and when Mr. Dinkley saw what I had done, I was
banned from the car wash forever!
Woman: Forever? How awful.
Frenchman: I would have killed Dinkley for that.
Englishman: As you can see, we're contemptible lot of killers,
bounders, and tiger stabbers.
Frenchman: Come, stranger, join our circle of infamy. Tell us
your story of ennui.
Homer: Well, back on land my name was ... Homer Simpson ...
and I guess it is here, too. I promised my dad one
of my kidneys, but I chickened out on the last
minute and left him on his death bed. [everyone
immediately stops what they were doing, shocked]
Card Guy: Good lord!
Woman: Oh, how could you?
Englishman: I think I'm going to be sick.
Frenchman: I stole this accordion from a blind monkey, but you
... ugh! You disgust even me!
-- Homer Simpson, =really= lost soul
% Even a crew of lost souls has its standards. They throw Homer
% overboard, into the water below, and the ship sails away.
That's the last time I trust the strangest people on earth.
-- Homer Simpson, "Homer Simpson in: Kidney Trouble"
% The sea washes Homer onto the shore. "Even the sea won't forgive
% me," he laments. On the beach, a happy father and son finish
% building a sandcastle together. The sight inspires Homer to go
% through with the operation and save his dad's life. As he marches
% off to the hospital, Homer accidentally kicks over the sand castle.
% The kid cries, as the father yells at Homer.
%
% Turning a new leaf turns out to be more difficult than Homer
% imagined. The first time he walks up to the doors, fear overcomes
% him, and he runs away. Homer screws up his courage and tries again,
% only to run away a second time. The third time is the charm, as
% Homer runs screaming into the hospital.
%
% Inside the hospital, Abe lies in the bed. The Simpsons [minus
% Homer] are around his bed, along with Dr Hibbert and Rev. Lovejoy.
Marge: Aren't you going to give him the last rites?
Rev.: That's Catholic, Marge. You might as well ask me to do a
voodoo dance!
Lisa: Dr. Hibbert, I thought you'd located another kidney for
Grampa!
Hibbert: Larry Hagman took it. He's got five of them now! And
three hearts! We didn't want to give them to him but he
overpowered us.
Abe: Don't worry about old Grampa. I'm going to a better
place. Shelbyville Hospital! [tries to get up, but
can't] Ooooh ..., who am I kiddin'? I'm a goner.
Homer: [at door] No you're not, dad!
Marge: [gasps] Homer!
Lisa: Dad!
Abe: Son!
-- "Homer Simpson in: Kidney Trouble"
% Homer and Abe are on the hospital beds again ...
Homer: I'm sorry, dad. The way I behaved was shameful. I guess
fear made me run away. But love made me come back.
Abe: Bless you, son! I knew you'd come through for me ...
Hibbert: Now, Homer, this may sting just a tiny bit. But ...
[Homer is gone, again. Curtains flap]
Abe: Oh, son of a ...
-- You got that right, "Homer Simpson in: Kidney Trouble"
% Homer is running, scared. He runs onto a road where Hans Moleman is
% driving a car transporter.
Hans: Oh dear ... [brakes, only just manages to stop before
hitting Homer]
Homer: [Homer flinches in the usual getting-run-over way]
Phew! Boy, that ...
[rather than being ran over, a car falls from the top of
the car transporter, onto Homer]
Ow!!!
-- If it's not one thing, it's another, "Homer Simpson in: Kidney
Trouble"
% The next thing we know, Homer regains consciousness. The view is
% Homer's vision. Eyes blinking, everything is blurry. Vision clears
% up. Marge, Lisa and Bart are looking at him, smiling.
Lisa: He's waking up!
Marge: Oh, Homie, I'm so glad you're all right!
Bart: [family moves away] Try not to move, dad. You swallowed a
lot of motor oil.
Homer: I'm sorry I ran off again. Oh, I guess dad must be dead
by now. But when I get better; and after I build those
shelves for the kitchen, we'll visit his grave.
Abe: [at door, wearing maroon suit] Grave, nothin'! I never
felt more alive!
[laughs and tries to jump, but something snaps] Oooh boy,
I shouldn't have done that!
Homer: It's a miracle! You recovered!
[Marge, Lisa, Bart and Dr Hibbert smile and quietly laugh
nervously]
Homer: What? [silence] [whiney] What? [looks at his side and
sees stitches, indicating the removal of his kidney] Hey!
Hibbert: While we were setting your broken bones and putting your
blood back in; we helped ourselves to a kidney, and gave
it to your father.
Homer: [annoyed, trying to get Grampa] You butcher! Give it
back! Give me that ...!
Abe: [Abe makes fun of Homer, dancing etc., and then leaves]
Homer: [threatening] You dance out that door and ... I'll get my
kidney back, old man! You have to sleep sometime!
Lisa: I know you're a little peeved at Grampa, dad, but you've
done a wonderful thing!
Marge: Yes! You've shortened your life significantly so someone
else can have a slight extension of theirs!
Homer: Yeeaaah, I guess you're right. Give me a hug! [everyone
hugs Homer]
I don't need two kidneys. I have everything I need right
here.
[Homer feels Bart's kidney]
Bart: [laughing] Dad! You're tickling me!
Homer: [falsely agreeing] Yeeaaah ... tickling ...
Bart: [realizes what Homer is up to. Looks at camera, worried]
Mmmm ...?
-- What is family for? "Homer Simpson in: Kidney Trouble"
% [End of Act Three. Time: 20:30]
==============================================================================
> Contributors
==============================================================================
{ad} Anthony Dean
{af} Alex Foley
{bjr} Benjamin Robinson
{ddg} Don Del Grande
{dga} Dale G. Abersold
{dj} Darrel Jones
{eg} Erin Grober
{hl} Haynes Lee
{je} Jordan Eisenberg
{jg} Joe Green
{jk} Joe Klemm
{ljg} Larry J. Guzman
{mar} Mark Richey
{ms} Mike Smith
{nd} Nathan DeHoff
{nl} Nathan Loeschman
{ol} Ondre Lombard
{ss} Samuel Sklaroff
{tr} Tom Rinschler
==============================================================================
> Legal Mumbo Jumbo
==============================================================================
This episode capsule is Copyright 2002 The Simpsons Archive. It is not to be
redistributed in a public forum without consent from its author or current
maintainer (capsules@simpsonsarchive.com). All quoted material and episode summaries
remain property of The Simpsons, Copyright of Twentieth Century Fox. All
other contributions remain the properties of their respective authors. The
transcript itself is Copyright 1999 Hari Wierny. This capsule has been
brought to you by the Springfield Hosptial Organ Transplant Unit.
This work is dedicated to Raymond Chen, James A. Cherry, Ricardo Lafaurie,
Frederic Briere, and all of those who made episode capsules what they are
today.
Many thanks to Dave Hall and Frederic Briere, who provided me with
alt.tv.simpsons archives when needed. This capsule wouldn't be nearly as
complete without their invaluable help.